Bullet
by castleelovee
Summary: When Rick is shot, Kate and his family have to deal with the consequences. He is in the hospital suffering from amnesia and they have to find a way to be there for the man that has been there for them all along, even if he doesn't remember them.
1. Sound

I do not own any of these characters.

* * *

The sound of a bullet rang through the air as he launched his body in front of hers.

The sound of a man so filled with life, hit the floor as he struggled for his being filled the silence.

The sound of a bullet making contact with the shooter's chest rang through the air, killing him as revenge for wounding her partner.

The sound of Kate Beckett screaming for an ambulance over her shoulder to Ryan and Esposito, telling them a member of their team was down.

The sound of sirens going off in the distance coming to save his life that offered her the only hope she could have that he may still live.

The sound of words whispered from her mouth that demanded that he to stay alive, for her.

The sounds that escaped Kate's throat as she sobbed uncontrollably while kneeling on the floor next to Richard Castle's pale body before she performed CPR until help arrived.

The sound of words coming from the mouths of the paramedics, telling her she could ride in the back of the ambulance, but had to move so they could put him on a stretcher.

The sound of sirens going off as they raced to the hospital while his body had to be shocked twice after his heart stopped on the way there.

The sound of words coming from Kate's mouth, letting him know how much he means to her, are the only thing that keeps him from being consumed by the darkness of death.

* * *

review?


	2. Flashback

(Flashbacks are italicized)

His mind was going so fast. A million memories whizzing by. Some memories seemed important, others were simply daily tasks. In a lot of them though, the same people appeared.

* * *

"_Daddy!" the little red head screamed._

"_You can do it Pumpkin! Walk to Daddy!"_

"_I don't want to go boom though!" _

_She pouted. _

"_I won't let you sweetie. I'll catch you."_

_

* * *

_

"_Please Kate."_

"_Castle I have to get up early tomorrow."_

"_Just come watch a movie with Alexis and I. One movie, that's all I am asking."_

"_Sure, that's all you ask. Then it turns into two movies and then three and then next thing I know it I'm fast asleep curled up on you."_

"_We both know you love it."_

"_In your dreams Castle."_

"_Always." _

_She smirked._

_

* * *

_

"_Another date with Chet Mother?"_

"_Yes my darling, but do not worry! I will be back by eleven at the latest."_

"_You know, most people would find this odd. Mothers are supposed to take care of their sons. Yet, you live with me and check in with me every night."_

"The role reversal is funny Richard._"_

"_Don't be late! Otherwise you're grounded!" He joked._

"_Goodbye Richard!" the elderly red head called over her shoulder before exiting._

_

* * *

_

"_You'll never win!" the young teen said as she hid behind a bookcase, her laser gun ready to aim and shoot._

"_I have a good feeling of this battle Alexis. I shall conquer!"_

"_Never!" the red headed screamed as she sent a beam of light to his chest, causing his laser tag gear to light up and making beeping noises._

"_You game for round two?" he heard himself ask._

"_You're on!" she quickly replied before resetting the game._

_

* * *

_

"_Castle you have to stay in the car."_

"_I brought my vest though! I'll be safe."_

"_Sometimes I worry about you Rick."_

"_I know Kate, but you can't protect me from everything. Sometimes things have to happen."_

"_This conversation isn't making me want to allow you to come any more than before."_

_He got out of the car and pulled out his vest and gave it to her._

"_Here, you put it on. It will make you feel better."_

_While she was Velcro-ing the sides together from behind she whispered, "Stay behind me and be safe."_

_

* * *

_

He keeps hearing the same words over and over again.

"Stay with me please. I need you. We have so much to do still, you can't leave Rick. You can't leave." The same voice kept murmuring.

It's a mantra that won't stop.

He knows she means a lot to him. He just doesn't remember who she is. Her angelic voice is the only thing that is keeping him from sinking deeper into the shadows.

* * *

Hello readers! Previously this was a one shot but the plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone! Thoughts?

Also, check out my profile for the other stories I am currently writing/already have written.


	3. Partner

Day One

She hadn't left his bedside unless completely necessary. The nurses would occasionally come in needing to change his bandages or look at his charts and would politely ask her to leave, already fearful that she would yell at them. Again. Each time they suggested she should attempt to go home and get some rest for a change. Each time of course that led her to glare at them until they left his room again.

Alexis had recently gone home with Martha. Martha and Kate had discussed how they both believe that while Alexis should be there to see her father, she shouldn't be there all the time. No teen could handle seeing their father in a coma. They had invited for Kate to come as well and sleep at the loft but she politely declined.

She didn't want to leave him. She thought if she left and something happened… She wouldn't be able to deal with herself. Based off his medical report, it seemed as though anything could happen.

The doctors had informed them of his medical status earlier that night.

"_Family of Mr. Castle?" A man in green scrubs asked as he removed his surgeon's mask._

_Kate looked at his scrubs and saw blood._

_Rick's blood._

_Oh God._

"_Here!" the crowd replied in unison. Alexis, Martha, and Kate eagerly walked to the doctor while most of the members from the precinct and his fellow writers and poker buddies stayed back a few steps, except a few individuals who stepped forward._

_Lanie took Kate's hand as Martha took Alexis'; knowing they would need emotional support for whatever news was to come._

"_I'm Doctor Blaine. You're all apart of his family?" He questioned._

_Martha replied, "Yes Doctor Blaine, practically. Now what can you tell us about my son?"_

"_We were able to remove the bullet from his chest."_

_Everyone let out a gasp of relief, but only for a moment._

"_What else?" the red headed teen inquired._

"_While we were able to remove the bullet from his chest, the risk of infection is still probable and likely and he has a concussion."_

"_When can you find out?"_

"_Right now he's lost a lot of blood and isn't stable so we don't want to test him quite yet. When he's in the clear and has woken up we'll do a series of tests."_

"_And when exactly will he wake up?" Kate questioned quietly, her strong demeanor lacking for once._

"_He has entered a coma but other doctors as well as myself believe he will wake up within the next four to five days."_

"_Has there been any damage to his brain?" Lanie asked._

"_As I said with his heart, we won't know until we are able to test him while he is stable but he does have a concussion."_

"_Do you think memory loss is a possibility?" She asked as her follow up question._

"_It's very possible. Based off of what I heard, when he fell he hit his head pretty hard. It may not be something to worry about though. More often then not victims like Mr. Castle do not suffer any memory loss."_

"_So we just have to wait it out?" Alexis asked as she wiped the steady flow of tears falling from her face._

"_I'm afraid so. Your father is strong though. I have faith that he will pull through."_

She was lightly tracing patters on his hand. Over the past few hours she didn't know what to think or how to feel.

She felt numb.

As soon as she heard the gunshot she started reacting on impulse, something cops really shouldn't do.

Rick went down while she was supposed to be protecting him. She was supposed to be protecting him so that he wouldn't get injured. So that he could go home every night to his loving daughter and mother who would be lost without him. So that she wouldn't have to be without him.

She had taken a lot of thought into the events of the shooting. She was the one that allowed him to come. She was the one that strapped on his Keplar vest and gave him the okay. She told him to be safe though. She didn't tell him to jump in front of her if someone shot at her.

Idiot.

Most people thought that it was brave that he jumped in front of her, protecting her from harm, but she was a cop.

She expected the possibility of being shot as well as other possible injuries that could happen as a result. He was just a writer. He didn't expect to be shot, she was sure of it. She wasn't even sure when the mayor agreed for him to shadow her if he really knew the dangers of doing so.

But he had jumped in front of her and ultimately, saved her. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

She was upset and felt a twinge of guilt. He protected her from getting shot. That bullet was meant for her, but he took it of his own free will. He wanted to, out of instinct. She wasn't sure what that meant though.

It was funny. If anyone had dared to call Rick Castle her partner before, she would have defiantly denied it and make them take it back. She always used to think of him as simply a shadow. After this though, she realized he was never just a shadow. He is her partner because he's been there through the tough and happy times. He's brought her an extensive amount of food of all different kinds after a rough case. He's been there standing next to her as she stared at the murder board, searching for a connection. He's been there to take a bullet for her. He's been a partner all along, she was just stubborn to admit it.

As she sat by his bedside, she took their whole relationship into question. Did he like her? Lanie was always telling her that he did and that was why there weren't as many blonde bimbos around recently. But that couldn't be true… could it? They flirted all the time but she always thought it was simply a game of cat and mouse. Now though? She wasn't so sure.

She knew that her feelings for Rick weren't strictly platonic though.

She began to fall asleep by his side as she realized she couldn't wait for him to wake up so they could finally confront their feelings.

* * *

I'd like to say thanks to all of the readers that has added this story to their favorites / subscribed to the story alert! It makes me so happy :) I also really appreciate the reviews and I would love to see what you think. Review to let me know how you think I'm doing so far! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!


	4. Possibility

Day Two

Kate was quietly working on some paperwork in a chair by Richard's bedside when Martha entered the room.

"Oh darling, you're still here."

"Yes." She replied sheepishly.

"Have you gone home at all?"

"Not yet. Soon."

Martha nodded her head as she pulled a chair beside Kate's.

"He looks peaceful." Martha said quietly.

"He does. It's sort of weird to see him like this. Quiet."

Martha chuckled. "I used to think the same thing when he was younger. I would go into his room at night sometimes to simply watch him sleep. Only because that was the one time I saw him truly at peace with himself and the world."

"What was he like as a kid?" Kate questioned.

"Similar as he is today but different. He was of course his humorous self, always one to talk to others and try to please. He was a lot more guarded though, not always one to let someone in."

"Really? I can't picture that."

"I know it's hard to believe now. He wasn't one to trust quickly, but over the years he has become better."

"Why do you think that?"

"He's gotten much better at reading people. Richard can judge people's true character very easily because he pays attention. After all of the experiences he's been through, he knows what makes a good person different than someone that is vindictive and has ulterior motives. He analyzes details we normally don't make a big deal of. I didn't think he would ever trust another woman after both of his ex-wives but here you are Kate, and I'm glad. They were both foolish mistakes of his of course, and he knows enough not to do it again. He's been very careful with women recently and he doesn't treat love as something that isn't powerful. I'm sure you've noticed, he's into the romanciscm and magic of the world. Richard is always trying to see good in people but he knows the world is flawed. When he finds the people in it though that make it a better place by simply being in it, like you, he doesn't let them go very easily. He certainly analyzed you well, you're a great person Kate."

"It doesn't really feel like it now." She murmured.

"Richard was right to base a character off of you. You're very humble and you're someone he trusts with his life."

"Funny because I didn't protect him well enough and that's the reason he's here right now."

"He's here right now because he chose to be. You didn't make him get shot."

"But he did jump in front of me."

"Kate, my son would do anything for you. He wanted to protect you so he did the only thing he could to do so. He's sometimes too overprotective."

"I don't need to be protected though."

"He knows that dear. That doesn't make him want to do it any less though Kate. Even though we can take care of ourselves, sometimes it's nice for someone else to do it. Richard just wants you to be happy and safe."

"I'm not very happy right now."

"Of course you're not, you like my son."

"What? Martha I don't –"

"You may not be ready to see it, but it's there Kate. You just have to open your eyes to the possibility."

"Truthfully? My eyes have been open for a while now. But I don't know what all this means."

"This shouldn't change anything. If anything, it should simply prove the amount of loyalty my son has for you."

"I know it's just…"

"You have time to think about it. Just be ready when he wakes up."

"I think I'm ready now." She whispered.

* * *

I know this is a very short chapter but believe me, the next one is much longer. I would love to see your reaction to the direction this story is heading - just so I can have an idea if everyone likes the path this story is taking so far. If you would like feel free to review and ask questions in case something isn't clear or suggest something! Thanks! -castleelovee

Oh, it was brought to my attention that Castle's current health status was a bit confusing. Castle may suffer from memory loss because when he was shot he hit his head very hard, resulting in a concussion. I hope this clears it up a bit.


	5. Love Interest

Day Three

"Come on Kate, I'm taking you home and then we're going to go grab dinner." Lanie said as she entered Richard's private hospital room.

"Lanie I can't leave."

"Yes you can. He'll be fine."

"You don't know that." She said stubbornly.

"Yes I do. I checked in with the nurses and his doctor and they all said he was stable and his wounds are healing nicely."

"I just don't want him to wake up alone."

"He won't, I'll have you back in four hours max."

"Fine."

The car ride back to Kate's apartment was filled with small talk. Lanie didn't want to make Kate upset, knowing how shaken she was with this whole experience. She did want to talk to her though, just so she could help Kate sort out her feelings.

When they arrived at her apartment, Lanie made herself comfortable on the couch.

"Oh please, make yourself at home." Kate said sarcastically.

"Girl, you know I always do!" she chuckled.

"I'm going to go take a shower and then we can head out okay?" she called over her shoulder as she began walking to the bathroom.

"Sounds good. I'll just see what's on TV."

When Kate closed the door to the bathroom and heard the soft click, she was thankful Lanie made her come home. She could finally organize some of her thoughts and let down her guard for a bit.

After she shed her clothes off that she had been wearing since the shooting, she stepped into the scalding hot shower.

She began scrubbing her body, hoping to wash away all the guilt she felt for Rick's injury.

As she was shampooing her hair, she was thinking about her revelation. She had feelings for Rick. Real feelings. She had always thought it was mere physical attraction; after all, Lanie always said that they had great chemistry. She never thought it was anything more than that though.

She had realized she had been so wrong.

She wanted Richard on every single level. She wanted him as a partner that would be there when cases got tough and made her stressed. As a friend that would cheer her up when the normal dull throb of missing her mom became deep, agonizing stabs of pain. As a boyfriend that would help her see reason in a world that she sometimes believe was so corrupt that nothing good could come of it. Most of all though, she wanted him as a lover that would be her partner, a friend, and her boyfriend and would be able to tell her how he felt without needing to voice it, but by simply _showing_ her.

While she rinsed out her cherry scented conditioner, she thought about how she couldn't wait for Richard to wake up. She realized that she missed having him to talk to, making him smile in return for making her smile. Their simple banter became such a part of her daily life that her heart ached when all of a sudden it wasn't apart of her life.

The fact that he was in the hospital was making it all worse too. The doctor had originally said that he should wake up within four to five days. After they ran some tests earlier that day though, while they were positive he would remain stable, he said it looked like he would within the next twenty-four hours.

Kate dressed simply in a pair of black leggings and a white long sleeved cardigan with a tank underneath. She got on her knees beside he bed and pulled her overnight bag out while thinking about things she would want to bring to the hospital. She got up and grabbed a couple books off the bookshelf and her fully charged iPod from the iHome.

She began packing away all of the necessities, including her toothbrush, hairbrush, and some makeup, as she caught a pad of writing paper out of the corner of her eye. After it as all packed away, she went over to her desk and picked up the pad of paper, immediately thinking of Rick and a conversation they had once.

_Kate had just walked into Rick's home office where she found him writing furiously on a pad of paper._

"_What are you up to Castle?"_

_He wasn't aware of Kate's entrance until he heard her question and looked up from the stack of pages that were filled with writing._

"_I'm writing of course Detective."_

"_Why aren't you typing on your computer?"_

"_I threw it against the wall." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world._

"_Seriously?"_

"_You believe me too quickly KB. Of course I didn't throw it against the wall."_

"_Well what else am I supposed to believe? I come in here and you barely notice I'm here until I speak and I see you writing on a pad of paper. Explain."_

"_Well, for the more personal chapters of my stories I prefer to write them out. It's almost as if I can write on a deeper level than usual. It's more personal to me so I connect with the characters more. I'm also so much more inspired than when I type on the computer. When I first began writing, I would be writing plot bunnies on any piece of paper I could find. It was quite annoying when I threw my ideas away because I thought it was simply a napkin and had to search through the trash." He chuckled._

She figured when Richard woke up he would want to write something. She rummaged around her desk drawer until she found a blue fountain pen that she knew he preferred. He was always saying that black ink was too boring. She placed the pad of paper and pen on top of her clothes and zipped up the bag, throwing it over her shoulder as she entered the living room to find Lanie watching an old episode of NCIS.

"You ready to go Lanie?"

"Woah! Kate don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry, I thought you heard me enter the room. Why are you so on edge?"

"You took only thirty minutes to get ready! I figured you would at least take an hour."

"Like I said, I want to be back soon enough just in case Rick wakes up."

"So now its Rick?" She asked with a raised eyebrow while she stood up.

"Come on Lanie." Kate said as she grabbed her wallet and cell phone off the end table and turned towards the door.

The two of them walked through the streets of New York City, expertly weaving around groups of people and crowds. They didn't talk much, just simple exchanges of words every now and then. Before either one knew it, they were being seated by a waitress at Remmy's after they had taken off their winter jackets.

Kate remembered the last time she was here, with Castle. It wasn't after a case or during one. It was on the weekend after Rick had texted her asking her if she wanted to grab dinner. She hadn't expected the out of the blue invitation, but that's what made it so much better. It wasn't unusual for them to share a meal together, but she each time she recalls the feeling of content and happiness each time. A wave of bliss went through her veins just thinking about him and their times together.

They each ordered a Pepsi along with their meal. After the waitress collected their menus and began walking away Lanie interrupted Kate's reverie.

"How have you been Kate?"

"I've been okay I guess, all things considered."

"I know this is rough on you Kate, but don't shut me out." She requested in her typical best friend fashion. She was really telling her not to bullshit her with lies.

"I don't want to it's just… it's just so hard. Sometimes I feel better about the situation than other times."

"Yeah right. You feel guilty that he's lying in that hospital bed and think that it's your entire fault. All the time."

"How can I not Lanie? He's in that bed because of _me_."

"No he's not Kate. He knew the risks of following you since day one, whether you want to believe so or not. You may think that he doesn't think through situations entirely, but I know he does. He has Alexis and Martha to consider in every single choice he makes. He has a family."

"Logically I know that but I still feel horrible."

"You just have to let go of that feeling Kate. You don't deserve to feel like this. Not again."

"Of course I deserve it! I didn't protect him!" she said with an escalating voice.

"You did though. You protected him every time he was a tag along. That one time he protected _you_." She said in a soothing tone.

"It's just so frustrating. I just want him to wake up already so I can ask him what the hell he was thinking."

"You'll be able to ask writer-boy soon."

"I know." She murmured.

The waitress placed their food down in front of them and their drinks as well. Kate hadn't eaten anything in a few hours and began to eat immediately, soon followed by Lanie.

"Do you want him to worry about you when he wakes up Kate?"

"What? Of course not."

"Then you really have to figure out your feelings toward him because he'll see how conflicted you are and put your needs above his own."

"I know how I feel about him Lanie."

"No you don't because you're so freaking blind you don't see how much he likes you and cares for you! He jumped in front of you because he doesn't want to see you hurt Kate. Emotionally or physically. He's been there day in and day out to comfort you and all you do is act stubborn and refuse to admit your feelings –"

"Lanie." She attempted to gain her attention.

"-to him. Meanwhile all he really wants is a chance to show you how much he really cares about you. I mean seriously? How dense can you be? He follows you around like a little puppy because he wants you. He hasn't even had any bimbos recently because he likes you and –"

"Lanie I know." She said impatiently trying to get her friend's attention.

"-just wants to ask you out yet again to be with you, emotionally and physically. What more could a girl ask for? Wait what?"

"I said I know Lanie."

"Wow. I can't believe you're agreeing with me. After two years of denying it!"

"I know I always denied it but I think this situation really helped me finally _see_ him and his intentions. I never really analyzed it that much before until now and when I finally did, it was like I was smacked in the face."

"Oh girl I'm so proud! So you'll tell him when he wakes up?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you love him?"

"Lanie… I'm not ready for that. No, we're not ready for that."

"But when you are, you'll tell him right?"

"Of course. I still have some doubts but I just need to talk to him and clear some things up."

Lanie simply nodded as the waitress placed the bill down and they split the price equally.

"Let's get you back to your love interest girl."

* * *

This is hands down the longest chapter of this story. As the story progresses the chapters will be getting longer I hope. I'd like to thank you all for adding this story to your story alert! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday if you celebrate and are looking forward to the new year!

Want to know something that would make me so happy? I'll give you a hint, it's black, fluffy, talks, and brings joy.

A REVIEW! Haha of course reviews aren't fluffy nor do they talk but they do bring me happiness and technically are black because of the font color!


	6. Onesided Conversation

Day Three (Continued)

Lanie had just dropped her off at the hospital because she needed to get back to work. When Kate entered the lobby she didn't see the usual visitors waiting for news on Castle. It was nine o'clock so it was unusual for no one to be there. She would talk to Lanie about how long she had kept her away from the hospital.

Walking through the halls she politely greeted some of the nurses that she had become acquainted with. Since she was practically always in Rick's room, she knew a lot of their names.

"Hi Susan."

"I'm surprised Detective, you actually left his side?"

Kate chuckled before she said, "I was forced to. My friend stopped by to drag me out but I got some reading material and things to do so I can be here when he wakes up."

The good nurse smiled. "The doctor just checked in on him and said he's doing fine and has remained stable. He recommends talking to him, it might help him come to."

It wasn't abnormal for Kate to talk to him, knowing he was unconscious. She wasn't worried about it.

"Any idea when he'll wake up?"

Susan gave Kate a sympathetic look as she shook her head.

"Hang in there, he'll wake up soon."

"Thanks Susan. See you later!"

When she finally walked into Richard's room it appeared that there were even more flowers than when she left earlier. There was a bouquet of roses that was from his publisher, daises from Martha and Alexis, and a lot of other arrangements from friends of his. She was happy to see that he had a support system wishing he felt better.

"Hey Rick." She said quietly as she sat down in the chair beside his bed and grabbed his hand.

She began to rub soothing circles on his hands with her fingertips. It wasn't unusual for them to have physical contact, but they had never held hands until the shooting. Every time she held his hand she marveled at the feeling. His hand was bigger than hers and was slightly darker, but they still looked good together. She couldn't believe how well she thought they fit together.

"Lanie practically kidnapped me out of here earlier." She laughed.

"I really wish you would wake up soon. It's weird not having you around. Sometimes I'll think of something funny I want to tell you but realize that I can't." She admitted.

She gazed at his face, admiring how serene he looked in sleep. She saw that the bandages that were wrapped around his head from where he hit his head on the pavement were fresh. The hospital staff had been so great in taking care of him she was truly thankful.

"I keep thinking about when you were shot Rick. Every time I go to sleep that moment keeps replaying in my mind and it won't stop. Each time the outcome is different. Sometimes the bullet goes through your arm and you never lose consciousness. Other times you aren't as lucky."

A tear fell down her cheek onto their intertwined hands.

She whispered before falling asleep, "Please wake up soon. For me."

* * *

I'd like to start out by saying I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday! I can't believe it's already 2011 already!

I realize that this is a short chapter, but it's more of a filler chapter. The upcoming chapter will be longer, don't worry! Thank you all for adding this story to your story alert or me to your author alert, it makes me so happy :)

Castle is returning tomorrow! I am so excited. I was at a party at my friends house on New Years Eve and a promo came on... Let me tell you my friends did not appreciate my screams and me jumping up and down. Surprising right? Make sure you watch tomorrow! Also, vote for Castle as the Best TV Show of 2010, and do it quick! Voting closes tomorrow!

thoughts? review?


	7. Bittersweet Moment

Day Four

"Kate. Kate wake up." Kate heard the soothing, gentle voice say as she was pulled from a deep sleep.

"Susan?" Kate looked up to see the nurse in her field of view.

"Rick woke up about two hours ago."

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner?" she asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"I knew he wouldn't be done with testing for about two or three hours and I thought it would be better for you not to worry. He's almost done now."

"Thanks. How is he?"

"His wound is healing nicely and he was able to talk to the doctor and nurses."

"Why do I feel a but coming on?"

"Unfortunately he's lost his memory."

Kate didn't know how to describe the feeling that overtook her body. A mix of pain, sorrow, and surprise all packaged together. He lost his memory. He wouldn't remember her. He wouldn't' remember how many times he helped her through difficult situations, how many times he was a shoulder to lean on, or how many times their relationship was so close to progressing to the next level.

"Oh my gosh. Do Martha and Alexis know?"

"I called his family an hour ago to notify them. Alexis and Martha are in the waiting room. I suggest you go join them, they've been waiting for you to wake up."

Kate gathered her things in her overnight bag and quickly stood up and began to leave the room. She stopped in the doorframe and said, "Thanks Susan. For everything."

Susan gave her a small comforting smile. "Go!"

* * *

"I don't know what to do Kate!" Alexis sobbed into her shoulder.

"Shh. Shh. It's all right Alexis, this is most likely not permanent. Try to stay optimistic."

Alexis pulled back from the embrace. "How can I be optimistic when my own father doesn't remember me?"

"It may seem hard to do but you have to try. If he sees your frustration he's going to get that much more frustrated and upset. Even though he might not remember you, he's still Richard Castle and won't want to see anyone upset or hurt."

"Thanks Kate. I'll try." Alexis said before going to sit in a chair to wait that was closest to where the doctor would soon enter.

She felt a presence behind her and heard Martha say, "Thank you Kate."

She turned around before asking, "For what?"

"For everything. You're really great with Alexis and you calmed her down. I wouldn't have been able to do that, this is all too nerve wracking."

"I know how you feel." She murmured.

"I knew the possibility of memory chance was likely but I kept hoping for him to overcome it."

"So did I. I guess we'll all just have to deal with it together with him. It must be horrible."

"I can't even begin to imagine Kate. In a way his mind has failed him, given up on all those memories."

"Do you think he'll ever remember again Martha?"

"Darling I'm sure one day he will, but it's all up to him I suppose. The doctor will be able to tell us more, it may only be temporary amnesia for all we know."

"Let's hope so," Kate replied as she and Martha walked over to where Alexis was when they saw the doctor approaching.

Alexis didn't waste anytime in beginning her interrogation of the doctor.

"How's my dad Doctor Blaine?"

"Straight too it I see Alexis. Your dad just got out of testing and is now in his private room again."

"What type of tests did you run?" Martha asked.

"We first made sure that most of the drugs were out of his system. When we were positive of that we started with an eye exam as well as a hearing and speaking test. Nothing seems unusual or different than before the shooting but we will be monitoring him closely during his recovery.

I know you've all been notified that he has lost his memory. This can be very stressful to a patient so I ask you to be delicate when talking to him but don't baby him because that will aggravate him more. He remembers common facts like the date and such but people are iffy. He may recognize you but not be able to place you, which may be difficult for you and him to handle."

They all listened to the doctor very carefully, all fearful to miss a single fact about his condition. Similar thoughts were running through each of their minds, that he wouldn't remember them.

Martha was the first to ask a question after the news. "Will he begin to remember?"

"It's hard to say but I have complete faith in his ability to do it. Sometimes all it will take is seeing a person or hearing a sound to trigger a flashback. They'll come. You might have to fill him in during certain situations otherwise he will get very confused so please be mindful of that." Doctor Blaine explained.

"Can we see him?"

"Of course. He's awake right now. Try not to overwhelm him."

"Thank you." Kate replied.

The three walked in sync down the hallway.

This was the moment.

They would all brace their fears for Rick. They had too. Rick had been there for each of them in some shape of form over the years and now it was their turn to be there for him, to help him remember during his recovery.

Kate had walked down this hallway too many times to count. Each time she did she walked the same pace with measured steps. All the other times she hoped that Rick would be awake when she arrived and now he finally was. The only problem was that he wouldn't remember who she was or what they had gone through over the years together. It was a bittersweet moment.

Could she handle it though? If she was being honest, she was terrified of the idea of walking into that room. Rick would be lying there, clueless to who she was. She wasn't sure if she could handle that. Maybe she should prolong seeing him for a bit.

No. She couldn't do that.

Rick needed her now to help him remember things. It would be better for her to fill him in on things than Martha and Alexis. She just hoped she could handle it. But Martha and Alexis were family, it would most likely be harder on them and they could break or shatter emotionally. She would have to put on a brave face and be there for the man that had always been there for her.

* * *

I hope you are all enjoying the New Year so far[:

I feel as though when I am writing more than one story at a time I start to play favorites and update one more frequently but neglect another. I'm sorry if this update took a bit more time. I have been updating Something More (another one of my stories - feel free to read!) more frequently because ideas for it keep popping up in my head.

I know all of you have been anxious to see where this story has been going so I hope this has cured a little bit of your curiosity, but not all of it! I still am unsure of where I really want this story to head so if you have an idea, a comment, or a suggestion, don't hesitate to tell me via review or message.

review?


	8. Fearless

When the trio arrived at the room finally, Martha was the first one to enter. Kate admired the way she stood up straight before entering, putting on a fearless face for her son and Alexis. Alexis followed suit after her grandmother.

Kate leaned against the door, not really knowing her place in a situation like this.

She watched as Rick took in Martha and Alexis' entrance. He looked at each of them, his eyes flickering between the two. Kate assumed he was making the connection that they were related to each other. His eyes seemed to be clouded in confusion and looked lost.

"Richard darling." Martha said as she leaned over and placed a kiss on his forehead.

Kate had watched many encounters over the years between Martha and her son, but she had never seen a moment that was so affectionate.

He had never been so confused in his life, he was sure of that. Two redheads had just walked in and he knew them, he just couldn't place them. He had seen them in his dreams. He glanced between the two, realizing that they must be his family. The girl was his daughter and the older redhead was his mother.

"Mother, I'm happy to see you." He said, still unsure of their connection.

He watched as his mother's face lit up with joy.

"So am I Richard, so am I."

He looked over towards the young teen. "Hey Pumpkin."

"Daddy!" She went to hug him.

A groan of pain escaped from his lips before he could suppress it.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry Dad!" she whimpered.

"It's okay, I'm fine." He soothed his daughter.

Kate was surprised to say the least when he did recognize who Martha and Alexis were. She wasn't sure if he would remember her, she was scared to find out. Before she could leave though, he finally recognized her presence.

His blue eyes pierced through hers with a great intensity. She felt as if he could see through her and all of the emotions she was trying to hold back in order to remain whole. His eyes showed a sign of recognition but she couldn't tell if he truly remembered her. She recalled the times when he used to stare at her when she was working which often caused her to feel uncomfortable. Not much had changed, she felt a bit uneasy from his impenetrable stare.

The moment was ended when Martha spoke up.

"Come on sweetie, let's give them some space and time to talk. Do you need anything Richard?"

Kate watched as his gaze shifted from her back to his mother. He remained silent for a bit. "Would you mind bringing me some pajamas or comfy clothes? I think I caught one of the nurses checking me out in this horrible gown. I'm pretty sure it was open in the back too."

They call chuckled lightly, happy to see that even though he couldn't remember everything, he was still Richard Castle.

"Of course dear." She said before her and Alexis left the room, brushing against Kate who was still in the doorway.

Their eyes locked. She saw he was a bit confused as to why she was still in the doorway. He saw that she was very hesitant to approach.

"It is safe to come in, I don't bite you know."

* * *

I know, I know. It's been a while since I have updated. I'm sorry I've had this written for a while but I've been so preoccupied with other things. It's here though and I hope you enjoyed it! It's more of a filler chapter, but believe me the next one is going to be a lot better. I have most of it sketched out and just oh boy! I'm excited to finish writing it even. Comment, let me know what you think, or where you think this is going!

Review?


	9. Dejavu

"It is safe to come in, I don't bite you know," he joked.

She was glad that he tried to lighten the situation. Despite his current health, he still had his humor.

They were still Richard and Kate.

She took her usual seat beside his bed but moved it so she was closer to him. She took in his appearance and could see that he looked a bit tired but he was observing her.

"Stop staring. You're creeping me out."

If she said she wasn't surprised when a loud laugh erupted from his chest, she'd be lying.

"Deja-vu." He said as an explanation.

She quirked an eyebrow upwards, wordlessly asking for clarification.

"I feel like we've had this conversation before. Multiple times. Am I right?"

"A few too many times if you ask me," she replied easily.

They fell into a short silence.

"You made them really happy," she stated softly.

He looked at her with a questioning glaze.

"Your mom and your daughter. I could tell they were really happy you remembered them. They were really worried, maybe a bit sad and scared too."

He was silent for a bit. "It's weird, I know that I know them, I just don't know how really. I wasn't entirely sure that they were my family, but the idea felt right."

"Makes sense, especially in your condition."

"What are their names?" he asked.

"Oh, um, I assumed you knew them. Your mom's name is Martha and your daughter's name is Alexis."

"They're both great," he simply said.

"I'm sorry I didn't think to introduce them."

"It's fine. You can't be a few steps ahead all the time."

"Is it weird?"

He didn't have to ask her to clarify; he knew what she was implying.

"It's a bit frustrating. I feel horrible too; I can't even remember their names yet I'm sure they've played such a large role in my life. That applies to you as well."

"Oh gosh I'm sorry again. I didn't even think. I'm Kate."

He shifted his eyes from the ceiling to her face.

"Kate," he said, testing the name out.

The name didn't settle with him. When she had told him Martha and Alexis' name, something clicked. When she said her name though, it didn't seem to connect to anything.

"Did I call you Kate?" he asked.

"Not very often. I'm a detective for NYPD so you normally called me Detective Beckett."

She watched him as he worked through things in his mind while he stored these facts away.

"Twelfth precinct?"

"Of course you would remember that," he chuckled.

"I dedicated a book to the twelfth. They're like family to me."

"Yes. They all love you there, who knows why. Probably because you got rid of the crappy coffee," she joked. "I remember when you first came, everyone was a bit reluctant towards you, but your charmed your way into their hearts."

"Sounds like me. No wonder why I dedicated a book to them, they seem like really good people."

There was a comfortable silence for a bit before she quietly admitted, "You also dedicated it to me."

"I don't remember that part," he said.

She watched as he struggled to remember.

She softly said, "You called me the extraordinary."

She watched as his brow furrowed and his eyes clouded over, as he seemed to disappear to another place.

Extraordinary. He kept thinking about that word and her. He felt that she truly was extraordinary. Here she was sitting by his bed, explaining things he couldn't remember. He felt his mind come across a flashback.

"_You think this is your fault?" He saw himself ask as Kate sat down. _

_He saw himself join her on the floor by kneeling next to her. "Yeah you pushed for it, not because it's your job, but because you care. Most people come up against a wall, they give up. Not you. You don't let go. You don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary." _

_He saw her head turn as her eyes met his. Her eyes shined with the astonishment that he thought so highly of her. _

His mind returned to the present. He looked towards Kate and though he couldn't remember the times they shared together, he was captivated by what little he could and what was happening now.

"Where did that mind of yours drift Mr. Castle?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he teased.

She silently urged him to continue by quirking one eyebrow.

"Flashback. You are extraordinary Kate."

"Castle, you can't just say that."

"Why not?"

"You don't even remember me!"

He felt the blow to his chest immediately. Was she blaming him for this? If he could have it any other way, of course he would remember her.

She felt horrible after the words flew out of her mouth.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. I'm just not thinking right now. I shouldn't have said that, obviously this is not your fault in the slightest bit," she insisted.

He nodded his head silently.

"You're right I don't. That doesn't mean that I don't still know you though Kate. You're sitting here by my bed, trying to help me grasp onto parts of my life that I've lost. You're an extraordinary person because you give parts of yourself to people and you don't expect anything back."

"Thank you Rick."

"Anytime. Now tell me KB, why do you look so sad?"

Her eyes instantly looked up to reach his. She was amazed he remembered, subconsciously or not, his nickname for her.

They were still Richard and Kate. She was still his KB, whether he remembered the past or not.

* * *

So I obviously borrowed that flashback section from Castle, I did not write that. If I owned Castle... the possibilities! The plot would be slightly different, but I don't think I would have Kate and Rick get together quite yet regardless. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter - it was a bit odd to write considering I don't have first hand experience with amnesia. I looked into some articles about it though for the purpose of this story. Let me know what you're thinking. Want to give me a present? Leave a pretty little review with a sparkly bow! [:

review!


	10. Stop Avoiding It

She never actually answered his question.

His nurse had come in and said that he needed his rest. Afterall, he was recovering the nurse had added. Did the nurse think that she didn't know? Of course she did. She thought about him in that bed all day.

She wasn't sure if she was disappointed that their moment was ruined or grateful.

Kate was sitting in the bullpen, absentmindedly staring off into space, when her cell phone rang. Again.

Three days. Rick had been calling her from his hospital for the past three days.

They didn't have a case and she wasn't busy, so why was she ignoring him?

She and Rick were finally making a step towards a romantic relationship when the shooting happened. She always thought that they would have tomorrow to figure things out, but when that tomorrow almost didn't come, she didn't know how to handle it. She had almost lost Rick without telling him how she truly felt.

Could she even tell him how she really felt? He didn't remember her, at least not really. The doctor had explained that they shouldn't put too much on him too quickly, and Kate was pretty sure saying something like, "Hey, before you lost your memory we had fantastic chemistry that I kept trying to deny. I kinda think we still have it, wanna give it a go?" would be pushing it just a tad.

"Beckett!"

"Huh?" she asked startled from her thoughts.

"Thinking about Castle again?" he teased.

"Of course," she rolled her eyes.

"Well speaking of him…"

"I'm not really in the mood right now Espo."

"I guess that would explain why you haven't been there in three days and why you won't answer his phone calls."

She wasn't surprised that he knew about that but she simply answered, "I have a lot to do at work and a lot on my mind."

"Kate, you know I'd do anything to protect you because you're like a sister to me. But Castle is like my brother so come on. Staying away from Castle isn't going to do anything for you. It's especially not helping him now."

Startled by what he said she pressed, "What do you mean especially now?"

"If you went to the hospital maybe you'd know," he pointed out.

"Espo, any day now."

"He's having flashbacks."

"So? He's been having those since he woke up."

"Bad ones."

Bad flashbacks? What did he mean? She was so stupid! She should have been there for him. If she were there for him she would have known that. She would have been able to at least keep him company, perhaps keep the nightmares at bay.

"What type of bad flashbacks?"

"All I'm going to say that we sure as hell don't know as much as we think we do about him. Boy has got quite a past there."

"Could you be any more vague?" she asked irritated.

Javier simply ignored her question, deciding that if she wanted to know she would have to go there personally. He then asked, "Why are you even here Beckett?"

"I told you I have a lot of work to do."

"We both know that's not true, so be honest. Castle almost died. He's one of our own and he almost died," he stressed.

"You don't think I know that? That I don't recognize the weight it puts on everyone here?"

"I don't know if you do Kate, because you're acting as if it doesn't affect you. We all know it does and it affects us too. You went to see him once Kate. Once. You've left him so confused in his hospital room while he's going through some pretty heavy shit. Everyone else around here? Most of us visit him everyday or at least call him. If one of us is in the area without a doubt we go and visit him. But you? You're avoiding that place like the plague or something," he said bluntly.

"What am I supposed to do then? I sure as hell don't know what's going on so how can he?"

"You're supposed to be there for him, just like he would be there for you. Without sounding sappy, he needs you."

"Going soft?" She teased before sobering. "He doesn't need me, I'm the reason he's there."

"Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't really matter though. He's your partner."

She looked down at her hands, unsure of what to do. Was it really as easy as he said? Could she really just be there for him while he was struggling with his life? Would it be enough for him that she wasn't sure about their relationship, but was there to comfort him and at least help him sort out what she did know? Javier was right, Rick was her partner. She realized that he had been all along without any complaints. He was there for her as a partner and a friend. She should be there for him now, even if she wanted to be more but wasn't entirely sure.

"Go see him Kate," he said before turning on his heel towards the break room.

But what type of memories were so horrible, so horrific, that it worried even Javier?

* * *

A/N It has honestly been a long time since I updated and for that I apologize. I know I am horrible and updating frequently, but I will try make a good habit and do so more often. Anyways, let me know what you think if you would like :) Is anyone else as excited as I am for next week's episode? I already have some plot bunnies circling around in my head based off of the last one, but I think you guys would appreciate it if I finished this fanfic before I started another one, don't you agree? ;)


	11. 9:55 PM

She glances at her wristwatch, one that Rick had conveniently bought her. It was 9:55 pm.

She knew visiting hours were over in five minutes but she still came. Technically she had been here for twenty minutes, but most of that time had been spent with her debating whether or not if she should really go in and see him. She spent ten minutes simply sitting in her car with her keys in her hand, unsure if she wanted to stick them back into the engine and leave or put them in her pocket and walk into the hospital.

She ended up sticking them in her pocket and heading into the lobby. That's where she spent another ten minutes simply pacing. The nurse at the sign-in desk had originally kept pestering to sign in and she finally had after giving in. So here she was, just a few steps away from Rick's room, with only five minutes.

Kate slowly made her way to the doorframe and peeped in. She was relieved to see his body at rest and eyes closed. From the look of it his nightmares were far away. She approached his bedside and sat in the chair that she had claimed hers when she had desperately waited for Rick to wake up.

She shouldn't have waited this long to come see him. When Esposito talked to her she hadn't seen Rick in three days. Today it made four. She knew she had caused tons of questions for the author, but over the past couple of days she tried to answer some of hers.

How exactly was she supposed to continue on? She had spent the majority of the fourth day away from him vehemently denying that she liked Rick and wanted a relationship with him. Towards the end of the day though, there were far more pros than cons. He was a great man in a horrible situation that she didn't know how to deal with.

The fact that Esposito had mentioned he was having horrific flashbacks didn't help either. What could be haunting him? What could possibly be more terrible and gut wrenching than the murder that he had grown accustomed to? Was it is past? Was it simply nightmares that his mind conjured up in it's most vulnerable state?

Two minutes now.

She took in the author's face. Taking note of the furrow in his brow she wondered what could possibly be disturbing him. He had no recollection of the past, yet surprisingly it was still troubling him. Could she be there for when he needed someone? She figured it would be hard for him to talk to Alexis or Martha about his sufferings simply because they were family. If Kate knew anything, it was that Rick would not want to place another burden of his shooting upon his family members. But would he confide in her? Would he trust her enough to delve into his past?

Realization dawned upon her when she realized that she didn't know much about Rick's past. Sure, they had grown closer over the past couple of months. Their movie nights had become more frequent as well as outings to the park and moments that only they knew of. Their time together wasn't spent dwelling on the past however; it was about living in the present and looking towards the future with hope. He was the one man that was able to convince her that tomorrow and the days following should not be dreaded, but looked forward to.

She knew what type of man Rick was, but she didn't know the memories behind the man that shaped him to be what he was now. He knew about her mother's murder, the essence of her persona. Kate quickly realized that she knew his characteristics and how he acted around her, those subtle touches and longing looks, by heart, but she really only knew the surface of Richard Castle.

He was an enigma with apparently a haunting past that no one knew about. Not even he knew about his past. He was trapped by his own mind, being tortured by the scarce memories he did hold. When he had first woke up, she could see through his facial expression and eyes that this would be the most frustrating obstacle he would have to overcome.

She would overcome it with him though. Despite not knowing where they stood relationship wise as a result of his amnesia, she wanted Rick. She would help Rick remember that he wanted her too and that their friendship was solid.

It would be a bit difficult to describe that to him though when she had been avoiding him. This most certainly will be a challenge.

It was time to go another night nurse said. She offered to let Mr. Castle know that you stopped by while he was sleeping. You politely decline, saying she'll be seeing a lot more of you, sitting here in your chair. No matter what hour.

* * *

xxx castleelovee :]


	12. Tension

It was ridiculous. She had been standing out of Rick's room for over ten minutes now, debating if she should go in or not. He was her partner. Of course she had to.

Hearing the laughs coming from his room she knew he was in a good mood. Hopefully that wouldn't change once he saw her.

Bracing herself she entered, immediately attracting the attention from both Alexis and Martha but she could see Rick's eyes shying away.

"Hello dear," Martha exclaimed.

"Hi Kate!" Alexis said.

"Hey guys, how's it going?"

Martha looked between Kate and Rick carefully before saying, "I suppose it could be better. Alexis and I were actually going to go head out for lunch now so we'll leave you two for lunch."

Quickly catching on, Alexis left her seat and followed her grandmother out of the room.

She watched as he played mindlessly with his hands but forced his eyes to not meet hers.

It was obvious he was upset and not too happy to see her.

Seeing that he would not begin the conversation she said, "I'm sorry I haven't been here in a while."

He wordlessly shrugged.

"Rick," she began as she sat down in the chair next to his bed previously occupied by Alexis. Taking his hand she continued, "I should have been here. I'm really sorry."

"No big deal," he replied.

"You needed me and I wasn't here," she stressed. "That's a pretty big deal to me."

"Listen Kate, I get it. I'm damaged goods now, its not going to be fun to be around me especially when I don't really remember you. I know how you must be feeling."

"Rick, no matter what I will always want to be around you, okay?"

He nodded.

Why couldn't he just accept her apology instead of making such a big deal out of it? She had wanted to see him everyday but she was scared. It wasn't that she didn't want to be his friend anymore, not at all. She wanted so much more now.

Finally figuring something to say to him that would make him believe her she said, "We're partners. I'm going to be here for you."

She watched as his eyes turned towards her own with a newfound sparkle in them.

"Always," he replied.

They remained in silence for a few minutes. Content to finally be together without any tension.

"You never answered my question the other day, KB. Tell me why you're so sad."

OK, maybe there was still some tension because of both unanswered and unasked questions.

"I don't get it Rick. Here you are laying in a hospital bed, recovering from a gunshot wound and you don't remember people, and you're worrying about me?"

"I'm not going to turn into one of those people who have revelations after getting shot, because I don't even remember that, but I can see when people are in need."

"I don't need your help."

"Oh I know that," he chuckled. "It's one of the few things I do know. That doesn't mean that I don't want to give it though. You're independent, I get that even though I don't remember why, but that doesn't mean you can't lean on someone or let someone take care of you. People want to take care of you – I want to take care of you."

She looked in his eyes and at his face, recognizing that he was determined to help her see that. He moved over in the bed and patted his hand on the comforter, signaling her to join him.

"I'm not sure that's the best idea, you're injured and I don't want to hurt you more."

"I can take it, plus I'll do anything to get you into bed Detective." He said with a smirk.

She rose from her seat and slowly lowered herself into the bed, lying next to him.

"You can relax Kate, you're not going to hurt me."

She took his advice and relaxed into his side, laying her head down gently over his chest. She could feel his heart beating a steady rhythm and it soothed her. It helped her realize that he was alive, he was safe, and although he may not remember her, he was still there for her. She found comfort in the steady and rhythmic beating.

"I dreamed about you Kate."

"What?" She asked surprised.

"When I was unconscious and when you were away, I dreamed about you."

"You did?" She asked, grateful that he had just told her that.

"It wasn't a big deal, " he tried to downplay it, realizing he may have embarrassed her.

"No, tell me. I want to hear it." She requested in awe. She felt gentle tugs on her hair and then he would smooth it over with his hand, relaxing her effortlessly possibly without even knowing. She was secretly pleased that he was doing it though. She remembered when they used to be in this position at his loft after watching a movie. He would always play with her hair, always soothing her troubles away.

"It was more of a memory I think, a flashback. You were being stubborn about coming over for a movie night but I kept insisting that you should come over."

"What happened next?" she asked gently.

"You gave into my boyish charms."

She nudged him playfully but carefully in the side.

"I suppose I just couldn't resist you Mr. Castle."

"It wasn't like that I don't think. I was just happy you were coming over to watch a movie with Alexis and I."

"I was happy to come over too."

"Kate, did you come over to my house a lot?"

"It started to become more frequent within the past couple months. Sometimes for dinner, other times for a late night snack and a movie."

"I hate to have to ask this question, but were we together KB?" he asked as he moved his head in order to look at her.

Kate wasn't sure how to answer that question.

They weren't an item, at least not in the normal sense of the word. She used to think when they were together; there was an unspoken bond that said that they were interested in one another and would be exclusive to one another. He was a master with words, after all the fact that he being a best selling novelist proved it, but he was also great at silently communicating. For the past couple months, he made her feel cared for on such a deep level, something that no one else ever had done. She had heard through the grapevine, meaning Lanie and the boys had subtly hinted that tidbit of information towards her after hearing it from Javier, that he wasn't interested in going out with anyone and kept turning down women. Her situation sounded oddly familiar to his. From her recent revelation she knew that she wanted to be with him, but she couldn't tell him they were together because it wasn't true.

"No. No we weren't." she replied softly while looking into his eyes.

She watched as his eyes went from hopeful to disappointed in a matter of seconds. He must have wanted her to reply with a different answer, but she couldn't because that wouldn't have been fair.

"Oh. I just thought…"

"I know Richard. I know."

"Were we ever together?"

"No." she said.

She turned her body away from his, causing Rick to wonder what he did wrong.


	13. Hunger

Kate was feeling a little nervous and apprehensive entering the hospital. She wouldn't turn away from him though, not again. She had been coming earlier in the mornings right before work for a few days now. So you can only imagine her surprise when she walked into Rick's room and saw Meredith by his bedside.

She couldn't believe it. Meredith was here. His Meredith.

"Kate!" she heard a voice say, pulling her away from her reverie.

She stole a look at Meredith while saying, "Good morning Rick, I didn't think you would have any other visitors this early."

Meredith jumped right into the conversation by saying, "Well the early bird catches the worm, right Detective?"

"Right," she replied softly.

There was a short pause in conversation.

What exactly was she even doing here? Suddenly she appears when she finds out that Rick is hurt? More than a week later no less.

"So what are you doing here Meredith?" Kate asked.

"I heard Rick was injured and jumped on a flight. It's just so horrible! I never even imagined that this could happen while he shadowed you."

"While he shadowed you" kept playing over and over again in Kate's mind. Meredith was blaming her. She was saying that this was all her fault. For some reason though, Kate didn't necessarily disagree.

"Hey, this isn't Kate's fault - not in the slightest."

"Richard you and I both know that this could have been easily avoided."

"Actually _Meredith_," he stressed, "I live in New York. There's a higher probability of me getting shot or killed during a mugging on the street."

"Whatever you say darling. I must get going now though. I'll see you soon Richard."

"Meredith you don't need to revisit. Just call or something. I have such a busy schedule within the next few weeks that I just want to keep things calm."

Already standing by the door she replied, "Alright then - but you better be expecting a call from me!"

Kate waited a few moments to be sure she was actually gone.

Eyebrow quirked she asked, "Busy schedule, huh?"

The laugh he let out was music to her ears.

"I couldn't think of anything else!"

"So why exactly did you tell her not to come back?"

He answered easily, "She had that look in her eyes."

"That look?"

"I'm not being egotistical or anything, I promise. It's the look I remember her always getting when she breezes in and out of time. The whole visit she had the hungry look saying she wants me, but no more! I'm done with those types of relationships."  
"Oh."

He laughed again, but this time it was humorless. "This must sound crazy coming from me right? After all I am 'Richard Castle the multimillionaire playboy.'"

"Hey," she said before grabbing his hand. "You're more than that."

"I don't even know who I am anymore Kate," he said dejectedly.

It aggravated her that she didn't even take into consideration he didn't know who he was. All she kept thinking about was how this would affect their relationship with each other, not his relationship with himself.

"I'll remind you Rick. You know that I'm here for you in any way that you need me - as a friend, as a partner, or as a confidant. You've got me."

"Right, of course."

His voice was so quiet compared to before, so unsure. He silently turned onto his side, somewhat painfully with his injuries, to face the window with his back away from her - leaving her to wonder what was going through his mind and what she said to upset him.


End file.
